Shacklin’ My High* (i.e., harshin' my mellow)
What a great trip. And how. But I’m not here to talk about the bluebirds of happiness and our wonderful little, European holiday. I’ll talk more about that in another post (once we get all 2,378 pictures downloaded) where I’ll tell you all about the wonderful food we had, and the great art that we saw, and schlepping around in the biggest shoe store in Paris (this is where I make that sound that Homer makes when he looks at a donut)...but for now I need to bitch....because, since coming home, my high has been seriously shackled and my mellow has been determinedly harshed.
WTF happened while I was gone? Yes, Mary Mia got twins, which made me all kinds of (double) smiley, but that didn’t last for very long, because then I started checking in with my AltDTC peeps, and it would appear that our wait is now estimated to be at least 3 effing years??!! WTF? Please tell me I’m delusional.
And, as if that weren’t enough, the CCAA is getting cranky on our asses, telling us the increased wait will make us better parents (wh wh wha?) and denying our agencies any information that might aid in the decisions that we all need to make at this point, such as “what the eff do we do now?”
Whew. Taking a breath...thanks for listening...it’s almost over.
I know, I know. It’s only rumors at this point. But, gosh, even if they are rumors, this is so NOT why we chose the China Adoption Program. This situation is not reflective of predictability or stability to me...in any way shape or form.
So we talk about our options. When I last spoke to my agency about the extended wait time (when it was hovering around the “remotely comprehensible” 18-24 month range) I asked them if we should change programs. They suggested we relax and settle in for the wait (and learn Croatian, write a symphony, and read Ulysses). But I’m afraid it might be time to stop asking for advice and just start making our own plan. Because a cranky China scares the hell outta me.
You see, we’ve never felt that some divine force was drawing us to China. I am happy for those folks that have that insight and guidance...but we just don’t have that. I have wanted to adopt a child for many years now and, for some reason, assumed that child would be Asian...but I haven’t a clue as to why I assumed that. Our hearts are open to a baby. Period. African, Asian, Canadian (OK, maybe not Canadian...joking!!), Russian, Texan, Whatever...Baby. But, while our hearts may be open, it doesn’t mean our minds are. Floyd and I have all sorts of little thoughts and hang-ups (which we’ll keep to ourselves thankyouverymuch), that guided us to China...and that may now guide us somewhere else. Our child is somewhere out there and, frankly, we don’t know where (but we do know it doesn’t appear to be hanging out around these dusty, old eggs). So, we may be back to the drawing board, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this 3 years thing (which is fitting because China seems to think this would make me a terrible mother anyway...just more proof).
So, there you have it. Thanks for letting me vent. How’re you guys doing with this whole thing?
Oh, and Ms. Bionic Valentine? I think we could all use a big (like global in scale) whack upside the head with your No. 838, The Fortunate Hammer. Tanksferdat.
*Floyd just pointed out that the appropriate phrase MAY actually be “shackle my hide” (vs. high)....but that’s not what I say. I always screw up these little phrases. This may be the ONLY thing I have in common with our good buddy George W.
WTF happened while I was gone? Yes, Mary Mia got twins, which made me all kinds of (double) smiley, but that didn’t last for very long, because then I started checking in with my AltDTC peeps, and it would appear that our wait is now estimated to be at least 3 effing years??!! WTF? Please tell me I’m delusional.
And, as if that weren’t enough, the CCAA is getting cranky on our asses, telling us the increased wait will make us better parents (wh wh wha?) and denying our agencies any information that might aid in the decisions that we all need to make at this point, such as “what the eff do we do now?”
Whew. Taking a breath...thanks for listening...it’s almost over.
I know, I know. It’s only rumors at this point. But, gosh, even if they are rumors, this is so NOT why we chose the China Adoption Program. This situation is not reflective of predictability or stability to me...in any way shape or form.
So we talk about our options. When I last spoke to my agency about the extended wait time (when it was hovering around the “remotely comprehensible” 18-24 month range) I asked them if we should change programs. They suggested we relax and settle in for the wait (and learn Croatian, write a symphony, and read Ulysses). But I’m afraid it might be time to stop asking for advice and just start making our own plan. Because a cranky China scares the hell outta me.
You see, we’ve never felt that some divine force was drawing us to China. I am happy for those folks that have that insight and guidance...but we just don’t have that. I have wanted to adopt a child for many years now and, for some reason, assumed that child would be Asian...but I haven’t a clue as to why I assumed that. Our hearts are open to a baby. Period. African, Asian, Canadian (OK, maybe not Canadian...joking!!), Russian, Texan, Whatever...Baby. But, while our hearts may be open, it doesn’t mean our minds are. Floyd and I have all sorts of little thoughts and hang-ups (which we’ll keep to ourselves thankyouverymuch), that guided us to China...and that may now guide us somewhere else. Our child is somewhere out there and, frankly, we don’t know where (but we do know it doesn’t appear to be hanging out around these dusty, old eggs). So, we may be back to the drawing board, because I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this 3 years thing (which is fitting because China seems to think this would make me a terrible mother anyway...just more proof).
So, there you have it. Thanks for letting me vent. How’re you guys doing with this whole thing?
Oh, and Ms. Bionic Valentine? I think we could all use a big (like global in scale) whack upside the head with your No. 838, The Fortunate Hammer. Tanksferdat.
*Floyd just pointed out that the appropriate phrase MAY actually be “shackle my hide” (vs. high)....but that’s not what I say. I always screw up these little phrases. This may be the ONLY thing I have in common with our good buddy George W.
Labels: Adoption
posted by Millicent at 8:17 PM
10 Comments:
Just discovered your blog....this wait just plain sucks but it is what it is.
We have great friends in Dungannon in the North. I'll have to read your archives and figure out why you are lucky enough to be living in Ireland.
Aaaarrghhh! 3 years? I don't envy your position right now, but whatever decision you make it'll be the right one. I might just have to go to Mississippi for that hammer and send it to you!
I've always said I can hook you up with some midgets at any time!!! If this bout of IVF doesn't work it's the foster/adopt route for us. I am so sorry to hear this bad news. I know you're as impatient as I am just to get going in SOME direction. I do recommend having a plan B just in case. There are a lot of foster kids here in the US waiting for a new mom and dad. I have a little boy asking when I'll find him a new dad to take him fishing (fly fishing maybe?!?).
Keep me updated. Hoping and praying to the baby buddha for us both~
D here. J and I have been having a similar a reaction to this month's pathetic and depressing referral situation. It hit us both very hard, as we felt it was a precurser of things to come. Also starting the difficult conversation on when/if we should pull the plug on this adoption. This year we are 40 and 49, respectively, and age does matter to us. Also money is tight and unlikely to loosen, and we're a bit shy on the adoption costs. My suggestion for a slightly optimistic reality check is to read GFT - the link to recent research on China referrals. Anyway, we are not pulling the plug anytime soon, but are hoping to get a feel for the full length of the wait, and in the next few months make a decision. Ugh, we understand your pain, and as always wish that your child arrives safe and healthy and as soon humanly possible, or slightly earlier. D
This is the gynoimpared me. What Mojo said - I just can't get around embracing this suck. I'll forward you the e-mail we got from the Heritage gal - it's honest, but depressing.
Saw a goshawk on the way to Mt. Hood and thought of you. Also saw the paper today and thought of you - are you safe from the Big Pink Slip? Hope so.
HIT ME WITH THE FORTUNATE HAMMER, OH GODS OF REFERRALS!
Oh, Crappo...
I'm not doing well with this. At. All. We're revising plans, as we speak. Given our ages, 40 (almost) and 51, we just can't wait 3 or 4 more years to start our family. So, we're definitely in Plan B. Stay tuned.
The Fortunate Hammer is right.
I hear ya, AltDTC sista!! Our agency is still holding at the 12- 15 month wait time, and my hubby is going right along with them. Unfortunately, our agency does not allow dual registries in different programs, Foster Children and/or Domestic Adoption, any aggressive measures to become pregnant (had to sign a contract saying no IVF), or for that matter, any pregnancy. They will stop the China adoption completely if any of these things occur. We didn't know this when we signed up... Oh well, at this point, whatever happens, happens. If by some miracle a swimmer gets past the finish line, so be it. Not that it has ever happened before with good results :(
We are also not tied to any country in particular- just liked the stability and predictability of the China program after having so much crappy stuff with IF. HA!! I am trying to wrap myself around the fact that I don't think China will let the wait get above 18 months. It would seemingly be IA suicide. As of today, we are 6 months LID. If we switch to another program at this point, we could be facing the same time frames. What else is there to do at this point except get hit with that hammer and hope for the best? I hope that we all can find the solution that gets us closer to building our families, because this really sucks. Keep us posted~
"and learn Croatian, write a symphony, and read Ulysses..." THAT cracks me up. Glad you're back and posting. We'll have to talk Paris soon - I'd love to hear your recommendations. I'm not doing well with the wait, but with an LID of 02/13, we're literally stuck in the middle. Feel like I'm being held hostage, emotionally and financially. C'est la vie.
We're pretty much stuck in the wait as well as we've already been LID for 6 months. We can't afford to go elsewhere even if we qualified for another program and it would probably take just as long to start over with another country. I don't know that we would switch, even if we could though...the little girl that pops into my head now and then and announces herself as my daughter, is Chinese.
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